Oh no! Stop it! Shut up! dummy! These words are said by an angry parent to his child at a specific moment. When the child loses his ability to be stable he starts to act differently. The parent cannot comprehend this different attitude. At this moment, the child is sending visual messages, which he cannot write to his beloved parent. This attitude is a reflection of the child’s anxiety, anger, and insecurity. We need always to remember as parents that our reaction to the negative attitude shapes the relationship between the child and us as a parent.
In another word, the negative reaction to the negative attitude can carry the message, which is “I don’t accept you”. This is the unconscious mind of the child that carries this message internally. According to psychologists, our words and deeds may affect our children’s adulthood. But do you know why is that so? Children are like sponges; they absorb everything. Their brains are still in development.
” The studies which have been made of early infancy leave no room for doubt: the first two years are important forever because, in that period, one passes from being nothing into being something”
Absorbent Mind, Dr. Maria Montessori
The self-image is sharpened by the way the parent speaks and it becomes part of him. If the parent says “dummy”, the child will build unconsciously an image that he is dumb. His attitude starts to be like a dummy person. Let us face it…children will not always fit into your plans. The child’s attitude is a reflection of how they think. Their thoughts are limited as they are inexperienced. It is not about your personality as a parent.
Give your child space to express their negative attitude or emotions. By then you can understand their unsecured areas and replace them with a secure feeling/situation. Communication will be an open channel for the parent to guide and direct the child to be a better person. Human communication is a complex process that needs time, effort, and patience to evolve positively.
According to the research in When Anger Hurts Your Child, by Matthew McKay, the authors found that the following appeared to be true:
- Children of an angry parent are more aggressive and non-compliant
- Kids of angry parents are less empathetic
- Children of angry parents have poor overall adjustment
- There is a strong relationship between parental anger and delinquency
The effects of parental anger can continue to impact the adult child, including increasing degrees of depression, social alienation, spouse abuse, low career and economic achievement.
As parents, we need to step back and look at our child and ask ourselves a question what do you want from your child? What do you want your child to be? Am I walking in the correct direction to my aim for my child?
Remember parents …You are the gate to the world for your child.
Sahar Radwan – Montessori Directress